Funny Thing About Weekends When Youã¢â‚¬â„¢re Unemployed

Obama smoked weed growing up, and now look where he is today

Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted

My friend is an unemployed circus clown. We nicknamed him Pennywise.

His career is in the gutter.

Why does the Pope shower with his briefs on?

He doesn't like to look down on the unemployed.

How many unemployed actors does it take to change a light bulb?

100. One to change it and 99 to stand around and say, "Hey, I could've done that!"

Its not a profession.

Two people meet at a bar and start talking about work.
The first person says 'so mate, what do you do for a living?'
The second, aroggently puffs out his chest and full of pride says with a smirk 'I sir happen to be an artist'
To which the first person reply's 'hey that's ironic I'm unemployed as well!'

What does Paula Deen have in common with a black person?

She's also unemployed.

Why is the rate of unemployed black people higher than in the 20th century?

Because synthetic cotton is more popular.

What did one unemployed cancer cell say to the other?

Lets get Jobs!

Did you hear about the recently unemployed electrician?

Apparently he's now ohm-less.

An unemployed guy gets a call from the lady at the Employment agency

Lady : I have two openings for you.

Guy : I know.

The lady hangs up.

I'm unemployed, but now I can finally say I'm making six figures...

although all of those figures are zeros.

You can explore unemployed arts reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean unemployed theoretical dad jokes. There are also unemployed puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A couple of unemployed tough guys see a pair of crocodile shoes in a store window.

The one turns to the other and says, "Look at that price tag! I tell you there's money to be made there!"

So they spend the next 4 weeks in Florida hunting crocs. They kill several, eventually running out of bullets and resorting to a knife at first, then their bare hands.

The first one turns to the other and says, "I'll tell you what, if this next croc we see doesn't have shoes on I quit."

Do scarecrows really work?

No, but because they don't register for benefits, they don't count as unemployed either.

An unemployed engineer opens a clinic...

He soon goes out of business, since the field is over saturated due to all the unemployed engineers opening clinics recently.

What do you say to an unemployed Rastafarian?

Jah bless

A jester's chief employment is to kill himself for your enjoyment, and a jester unemployed...

is nobody's fool.

The Unemployed Engineer.

What do you call an unemployed classical musician?

Baroque

What do you called an unemployed Jamaican?

Jah Bless

Why Does the Pope wear Boxers?

He doesn't want to look down on the unemployed.

What do you call an unemployed Rastafarian?

Jah bless.

Common synonyms of unemployed.

Writer, blogger, and activist.

If your mouse doesn't work, what is it?

Unemployed.

My sister graduated from college over a year ago and is still unemployed...

I found her sobbing on the couch so I asked, "having an existential cry, sis?"

I woke up this morning and realised I didn't have to go to school today. I was so happy...

then I remembered I'm an unemployed 43-year-old.

I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers...

Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.

University....

Close to being unemployed but with your parents still being proud of you

Why do priests wear underwear in the shower?

They don't like to look down on the unemployed

Why does the Pope keep his underwear on while bathing?

Because he doesn't like looking down on the unemployed.

First to ever post this joke here, yay!

What do you call a person who's happy on a Monday?

Unemployed.

Homeless & unemployed cyborg law enforcer

Hobocop

Obama is the epitome of why Americans are so racist

Just another soon-to-be unemployed black man, evicted from his house, and living on government money.

I was in a job interview.

"What are you doing at the moment?" asked the man.

I said, "I'm unemployed."

"What was your previous job?" he asked.

I said, "I was a psychic."

"And where do you see yourself in 10 years?" he asked.

I said, "I don't know."

What do you call a prositute on her period?

Unemployed.

What do you call an unemployed raggae singer?

Jah bless

Milio Yiannopoulos is now an unemployed immigrant on a work visa.

Let's deport him!

Educated Sons

1st son : Degree in Economics.
2nd son: MBA.
3rd son : PhD
4th son : Thief

Neighbour: Why can't you throw the
4th son out of your house?

Father : He is the only one earning money. The rest are unemployed.

Why are unemployed doctors always in such a hurry?

Because they don't have any patients

I hate it when

I hate it when engineering students call themselves engineer.
I don't see medical students calling themselves doctor or history students calling themselves unemployed

Q&A

Q: What did the employed Muslim say to the unemployed atheist?

A: Get a hijab

I like to be positive

Even though I'm unemployed and recently got evicted, I could still destroy Stephen Hawking in a 100m dash.

How do you know Jesus Christ was Irish?

He was an unemployed 33 year old carpenter who still lived with his parents

People don't like the idea of me being given money even though I'm unemployed.

I think it's welfare.

(Corny) Why could nobody understand the unemployed man?

He made no cents.

Why couldn't the unemployed teacher see?

She had no pupils.

I was going to tell a joke about unemployed people...

I was gonna tell a joke about unemployed people, but they just don't work

My unemployed alcoholic father has a brilliant legal mind.

Unfortunately he's never passed a bar.

I made up a few jokes about my unemployed friends.

Unfortunately none of them work.

Why can't you trick an unemployed jester?

He's nobody's fool

I was trying to make a joke about the unemployed,

But then I remembered that none of them work

A talented unemployed singer is like communism

Sounds good, doesn't work.

All the girls I date are unemployed, drunk, and are on drugs.

I'm starting to think this whole opposites attract thing is bullshit.

I was pretty offended when I auditioned for American idol and was told by the critics don't quit your day job

But I guess the joke was on them - I'm unemployed.

A granpda asks his just graduated grandchild

Grandpa: So what will you do for a living now that you earned your bachelor's degree?

Grandchild: I'm a model during the week, I'm a DJ in the weekends and an influencer by contract

Grandpa: I remember when I just graduated I was also unemployed son, be patient

My stepdad told me it was pointless to apply to med-school because I was too stupid to be a doctor

8 years later and one of us is an unemployed loser with a drinking problem and the other is making six figures and going to Hawaii this weekend to renew his wedding vows with my mom.

What do you call an unemployed jester?

Nobody's fool

What do you call a fire fighter that was fired?

Unemployed

What do you call a Mexican that doesn't know how to use a lawn mower?

Unemployed

How can you tell Jesus was Irish?

He lived at home until he was in his thirties, he thought his mother was a virgin, he was an unemployed carpenter who got into trouble with the Empire, his last night on Earth was spent out drinking with his mates, and his last request was a drink.

I'm not sure what I like about unemployed Japanese people.

I just think they're NEET.

I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people

**but none of them work.**

I got fired from my job at the bank. An elderly lady came in and asked me to check her balance

One broken hip later and I'm unemployed.

Funny thing about weekends when you're unemployed, they don't mean quite so much

Except that you get to hang out with your working friends.

You ever get the urge to eat something, just because it's there?

Is anyone looking for a new Gynecologist? I'm recently unemployed.

I have lots of jokes about unemployed people

Sadly none of them work

Why unemployed squirrels go to mental hospital?

Because that's where all the nutjobs are.

I have so many jokes about unemployed people....

...sadly none of them work.

I have a few jokes about unemployed people

But none of them work

What do you call a dentist in England?

Unemployed

I have a few jokes about unemployed people..

..but none of them seem to work

I have a lot of jokes on unemployed people...

But none of them work

Did you hear about the woman who was robbed by an unemployed acupuncturist?

She was stabbed more than 167 times but she felt awesome the next day.

I know a lot of unemployed jokes

But they don't work :(

What do you call unemployed Bob the builder?

Bob

I hate it when engineering students call themselves "Engineer"

you don't see med students calling themselves doctor, or art students calling themselves unemployed.

I am unemployed but my local News show said there's 2000 jobs in Jeopardy..

So I'm moving there on Monday..

Jokes about unemployed people aren't funny

They just don't work

My mother advised me not to marry an electrician

"Don't marry an electrician, he will take late night calls and plug himself into other women", my mother warned me.

"Don't marry a plumber either", she continued, "he will work on weekends and do other women's pipes".

"Don't marry a pizza boy neither. He will work on Friday nights and make other women pizzas"

And that's why I married an unemployed man!

Being unemployed is horrible.

I never thought I'd lose my job as a psychic.

I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people

Sadly they don't work.

Why was the pyromaniac unemployed?

Because he keeps getting fired! :D

the job interview

An unemployed reverend walks into a bar and orders a glass of wine. "How did the interview at the church go today?" the bartender asks. "Not so good. They turned me down for the job, despite my 20 years of experience. They insisted they only want to interview brand new seminary graduates," the reverend replies. "I guess they were looking for greener pastors."

I've got a bunch of jokes about people who are unemployed

Sadly, none of them work

I tried a joke about the unemployed

None of them worked.

Why was the rifle unemployed?

Because it was fired

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Source: https://jokojokes.com/unemployed-jokes.html